Its Saturday Again!

Well here we are again. It's Saturday morning, up with the lark and all is right with the world.

That's not actually true. It IS Saturday morning, I've got half a bacon sandwich 'cos my daughter managed to throw the other half on the floor somewhere between the kitchen and my bedroom, (I have to wonder whether it was an "on purpose because you made me get out of bed early on a Saturday" thing. I mean it is not a long difficult hike from my kitchen to the bedroom so unless she was drunk, which at 14 years old and 8am on Saturday I would seriouisly doubt, what other conclusion is there?). Oh there was a cup of tea waiting which is a bonus. Anyway I only just got started and already wandering away from the point.

We had arranged to meet on the Downs around 9:30. A new chap was due to join us this morning, Mike. Only Spyderman myself and Mike were there by the time we were due to leave so we went off alone.

Rose and I had taken a look at a few lanes previoiusly and had an idea of which ones we would like to do this morning. Head of the possibilities was the Ostrich Farm. We've kind of named it that because it runs alongside... and ostrich farm and there's something a little strange about a flock of ostriches chasing along the fence trying to get to the car.

Now, Mikey is a complete newbie to this kind of thing, and, having been doing it for a whole three weeks I'm an expert right? However I do have to say that occasionally I actually sounded as though I knew what I was talking about... hey hey hey things are improving!

Mind you Jasmine was not very impressed...

Normally I would have edited Kai out of this picture, but he is going to be so embarassed by being seen wearing a Mickey Mouse sweatshirt that the opportunity was just too good to miss.

Does this count as child abuse?

Since we were only three, we tried to give Mikey a good variety of terrain and even a couple of small fords. (I'm an expert on fords as you will recall from my last post!).

Pictured here for the sake of future posterity we have Mike with his M reg Disco...

***ATTENTION. THIS BLOG POSTING HAS BEEN HIJACKED. THERE FOLLOWS AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE "ANTI EVERYTHING THAT'S FUN" (AEF) GROUP***

One of our members, at great risk to himself stumbled across a dangerous group of countryside vandals, clearly intent on destroying our great heritage by any means necessary. Photos were taken and will be forwarded to the authorities in the hope that they will take action stop these people from damaging our natural countryside any further, especially by their preferred methods which include things like ... conservation and mantenance. If this sort of thing becomes commonplace, us ramblers will have to work twice as hard to maintain the level of litter, damage to farm areas and crops and so on that we have thus far been able to achieve.

Below is an extract from our member's journal...

In fact, in line with advice from the Ramblers Association, I took photos of other members of this renegade group in case they should be involved in other activities... though undoubtedly they would be just as nefarious.

I am not sure who this character is... but she is clearly stealing this small child from its rightful home somewhere in the wilderness and taking it to do something horrible like... a nappy change or even worse. As a respectable member of the AEF, (Anti Everything thats Fun) group it is my duty to make these travesties public.

If you look carefully into the rear of the vehicle, you can see the inevitable tools of this immoral activity... maps, obviously intended to aid a quick getaway, vehicle spares to avoid having to visit a garage where the vehicle may be identified and... worst of all and probably the most incriminating piece of evidence thus far... Sandwiches fruit, cake... some might call this a packed lunch, but here at the AEF we recognise this for what it is: essential supplies for a group who may have to spend extended periods hiding from society, ashamed of their weekend forays into the domain of the woollies.

If the evidence thus far does not pursuade you of our sincerity, take a good look here. We believe that this person... camouflaged in his bright red Mickey Mouse sweatshirt and big hair, is the same person who is now wanted for peeing behind a tree in at least three counties.

We were spotted by other members of the group and were only able to get this one fleeting shot of the principle members of this dangerous gang of individuals running to hide from our cameras. Is it any wonder that these people are being forced away from the countryside when they behave like this?

Our group did give chase, and later, as you can see below, the group were driven to such extreme measures that they even traversed rivers in their futile attemps at evading our cameras.

Clearly these people will stop at nothing to avoid the truth. Seen here is the final attempt of a desperate gang, to destroy the photographic evidence we have gathered by ruthlessly causing a flood over our equipment by driving water straight at it.

All was not lost... a littel later in the day we caught up with them once again. Not in water this time, but escaping via one of the network of routes they have been quietly establsihing for years to be used in just such circumstances.

It has come to my attention that groups like these have a network of routes across the country. Unbelievably these routes are clearly signposted with a single word that alerts members of the same pursuasion that this may be a good route to use because it is completely legal, and motor vehicles are welcome. So underhand have these groups been, that they have even been seen AND photographed clearing lanes and maintaining them in case other people want to enjoy them later. Is there no depth to which these people will not sink?

Of course even days as dark as these... there are glimmers of light. Every now and then a group member becomes a victim of his own pursuasion.

Pictured here after trying to escape our photographer, this driver has clearly reached the end of the lane. Surely now, the countryside will be a safer place.

Now that it seems that legislation limiting countryside access to only to those people we see fit to nominate is imminent; we would like to turn our attention to another scurrolous activity. Indoor Croquet. Surely there is a case for declaring indoor croquet enthusiasts and flower arrangers incompetent, thereby giving power of attourney over their assets toa responsible public minded organisation. Ours.

This blog posting was hacked and hijacked by the "Anti Everything that's Fun" lobby.

Mid Week

You know what,I never thought anyone would read this but it seems that people are doing just that! Either I'm writing well... or you're all drunk!

Anyway, It turns out that I have to move house for a number of reasons. Mostly because this one's been sold without telling us. great stress relief is to cruise the minor lanes viewing the entrances and seeing whether they are actually open and available to us. Jai has sent us the Tomtom waypoints file that show us where they are but there are some that simply do not show up. Highways are not detailed for example. Anyway... I wrote a program that tracks the vehicle and records the lat lon every 10 seconds. Hopefully I'll be able to use this to show which lanes we have travelled and include a screenshot of the map where applicable. The thing is that since we got stuck I am am nervous as soon as I see anything even slightly wet! Don't get me wrong, I am up for an adventure as much as the next guy but there's a difference between having a good time and getting bogged down and having to call friends to rescue you. Anyway, We've found a few lanes that are open, including a highway that isn't marked as such on the map. We'll try this at the weekend and report on it here afterwards. Playing again this weekend... different band though, this time it's jazz classics and some rock n roll. It would be really good to see anyone who fancies turning up at Streatly just north of barton le clay ( home to devils pit).

Lastly a personal message to anyone that reads these posts... if you enjoy them then thanks. If you think they're crap then please moderate you language when commenting... remember they are primarily for my children.
Will write more at the weekend when I am sober.....(ish).

Wet Stuff

To start with there are a couple of things you should really know. Those guys we met last week, well we found a photo of one of their vehicles. In actual fact this landy looks lovely, but in this pic it is stuck: Look!

Now this is exactly the same spot I got stuck in as well!

Anyway... that's not what this post is about. We decided that since we hadn't done any serious Fords... we should at least try. Spyderman in his wisdom, thought that the best one to start with would be Ferneox Pelham (I have no idea whether that is the correct spelling).

Now, this is not really a ford in the strictest sense. Generally a ford represents a way to cross a river. This particular ford is a route along the river bed... dipping deeply in places.

If you imagine a series of deep holes with a small platform between each you get an idea. Here's a pic of our car on one of those "in between" platforms...

It felt a lot deeper I can tell you... and, of course, we're driving a petrol vehicle not a flaming diesel. A diesel would swim through this with the greatest of ease, as amply demonstrated by the land rovers that went before and the one that pulled me out when my engine stopped!

And then just to make things worse we went down again!

Surely this is being done to humiliate our poor shogun. It has to be a conspiracy of landy owners. perhaps the fact that the forum we use is called landroverstryingtohumiliatejapanesecardrivers.co.uk could have been seen as a hint! Actually thats not true, we use landy zone a forum with members in our neck of the woods, (and despite the fact that we have a shogun they have all been pretty cool. So if you have a shogun and you fancy offering a little moral support feel free to drop by!)

I think that this was the killer run. The one where our engine gave out completely and we had to be rescued by other more capable vehicles. A thousand thanks to the man who invented WD40. I do have an idea about fitting condoms to the HT leads and using a femidom on the distributor cap, however I can see a strange conversation looming next time I take the car in for a service. I know for a fact that my favourite mechanic is not gonna want to handle one of my used condoms.

There's always someone willing to show you how it hould have been done. Spyderman creating a bow wave, which is apparently useful if you intend keeping the water out of the engine compartment.

So that was our first experience of fording. We headed back once our car got started... not because we were chicken at all... but I had a gig playing in Dunstable on Saturday night and couldn't risk being late! All in all we had a good day, the car's a little wet inside and is spending the week drying out.

My mate Jim and his wife Jan have a Shogun. It's a little tidier than mine (certainly is now!) but I think they would really benefit from a littel mild laning like this. I did ask if they'd like to join us for a relaxing afternoon drive in the country. In the interests of decency I shall not repepat the answer they gave, but suffice to say that if I were double jointed enough to follow their instructions... I'd die a happy man.

Anyhow I digress:

As it turns out; the man primarily responsible for getting me out of the crap this week, a fella called Jai_Landrover on the forums, also had a wonderful file which found its way to my machine and details the locations of all fords and green lanes in the country. Well, you know what I'm like... you just gotta make sure its accurate so we go take a look.

You know what we found... 1 ford, 1 restricted byway so we couldn't use it anyway... and a really long byway that is not on the system because it is technically a highway!

So... maybe check a few of those out this week.

More later.