Off road Action

Well, we have been laning a few times, we are enjoying ourselves tremendously! Now we decide to try the next level... pay and play!

More by accident than judgement, we were going out laning around Harlow on Saturday morning. Everyone early out of bed (7 am and hey thats really early on a Saturday!) we meet the spyderman and trundle off to Essex. Barely 10 miles out and we don't even make our first lane.

Call the AA and make our way home - My daughter and I in the truck and the rest of the family in the landy with spyderman.

The AA fella really knew how to talk... that famous Irish blarney! He told each story like it was a classic epic and every tale lasted like it was a feature film.

With the rest of the day spent finding new parts for the Shogun, it was decided that tomorrow(Sunday) would merit a trip to devils pit, an off road course near Luton.

Sunday: Got a pass from Rose to go out to play for a few hours and took Kai with me. Amazing how much a small boy likes to ride pillion!

Devils pit. Now what can I say, this is a great experience (especially from the vantage point alongside a more experienced driver.) BUT I gotta tell ya... it can get a little sticky!

This piccy is Kai alongside Spyderman's landy... he's learning as quickly as I am!

Now we all know that the best addition to a vehicle for off roading is tyres. Mikesababes decided to take his disco and new tyres to the party but only drove round the red circuit once!

He also took a couple of friends. Now I was told about a particular mud hole... drive in but no one drives out.

Here we see this friend being dragged out of the mire!

We've all been here right!

BUT no one should try this at home!

Now, the thing about devils pit is the sheer sticky grabbiness of the mud! you really do not want this in your engine, I mean, you really don't. Not just "would prefer not to" but real... oh shit get this off of me!

What can I say, this looney has decided to try the same hole again!

I'll let you know what happens!

You know what? I just found out... the motor is still running! cleaned it out and started it up... needs a new headset but hey! at least its not a throw away! Actually I am really pleased its not too badly damaged. The driver and his girlfriend see like really nice people so a little good luck should go their way.

Keep ya posted!

The Joys of Spring

Well I haven't posted anything new for a couple of weeks. This isn't because I haven't been out laning, its more that I don't want to publish reams and reams of the same old thing, so I might sometimes go a while between posts.


So here we are, looking at exploring some of the lanes south of Hatfield, but starting at our Bunyon's Chimney lane at Wheathamstead.


So called because this chimney once formed the centre of a cottage where Bunyon lived, this chimney, a listed building, marks the beginning of our first lane of the day.



We have visited this lane before, but it was a little drier then. This time saw the water gushing down the steeper bits like a small stream, and as you can see there was a little of the slippery stuff too. This picture doesn't really do justice to the lane, but hey I work with what I've got!






Spyderman was out with us today, in fact he ended up doing most of the navigating and the hard stuff which doesn't seem to be unusual. He knows his way around though and many of the lanes we visit are places he's visited often in the past.


He got a phone call just as we were about to start this lane, seems like Mike, the new guy from a couple of weeks ago, wanted to hook up with us at Hatfield. Arrangements made and its off to Hatfield!


Now you may think that we have these country runs out because we are hooligans hell bent on ruining the enjoyment of walkers everywhere.


That's not strictly true. Despite the filthy looks, and even the odd person flagging us down in the street to tell us how we shouldn't be here the children get to enjoy a lovely day in the countryside, the dog gets a good run out. Irritating walkers who decide to use a lane that allows cars, and then complain when one turns up... well that's just a bonus.


Of course there are occasionally parts of the lane that are difficult to traverse! This one doesn't look stuck but he's done something called "Cross Axelling". Now I've never heard of this but apparently 2 wheels off the ground make driving a little difficult (over simplified but to the point!)

Of course he needs a little tug... and we all like a little tug from time to time and thus he was liberated.

Now I could claim that I suffered no problems through all this, and I have to claim that I do think my driving technique is improving each time we go out. It's not perfect but hey.... I'm new at this!


Take this hill for example, not too steep and long but do you think I could get up it? not a bleedin chance, once again a tug to get up the hill! Bloody ell last time I had this many tugs in a day I was fifteen years old!

So its a short one this one... a few lanes, a country drive, lunch at the pub and a dirty, filthy, mud infested, scratched car.

Well what else would we do at the weekend?

One last thing, I actually went out a bought some tow strops and a few shackles. We live in the south of England so it was away to Skorpion Racing and a very respectable £30.00 on some 14 tonne Shackles and two bloody great strops. Anyway, how poetic, the first person I get to christen my new gear... spyderman, the same vehicle and driver who dragged me out of the shit that first night! Now I have to confess that he was not really stuck just a little inconvenienced, but the poetry of the situation appealed to me as I am sure it will you!

More next time

Its Saturday Again!

Well here we are again. It's Saturday morning, up with the lark and all is right with the world.

That's not actually true. It IS Saturday morning, I've got half a bacon sandwich 'cos my daughter managed to throw the other half on the floor somewhere between the kitchen and my bedroom, (I have to wonder whether it was an "on purpose because you made me get out of bed early on a Saturday" thing. I mean it is not a long difficult hike from my kitchen to the bedroom so unless she was drunk, which at 14 years old and 8am on Saturday I would seriouisly doubt, what other conclusion is there?). Oh there was a cup of tea waiting which is a bonus. Anyway I only just got started and already wandering away from the point.

We had arranged to meet on the Downs around 9:30. A new chap was due to join us this morning, Mike. Only Spyderman myself and Mike were there by the time we were due to leave so we went off alone.

Rose and I had taken a look at a few lanes previoiusly and had an idea of which ones we would like to do this morning. Head of the possibilities was the Ostrich Farm. We've kind of named it that because it runs alongside... and ostrich farm and there's something a little strange about a flock of ostriches chasing along the fence trying to get to the car.

Now, Mikey is a complete newbie to this kind of thing, and, having been doing it for a whole three weeks I'm an expert right? However I do have to say that occasionally I actually sounded as though I knew what I was talking about... hey hey hey things are improving!

Mind you Jasmine was not very impressed...

Normally I would have edited Kai out of this picture, but he is going to be so embarassed by being seen wearing a Mickey Mouse sweatshirt that the opportunity was just too good to miss.

Does this count as child abuse?

Since we were only three, we tried to give Mikey a good variety of terrain and even a couple of small fords. (I'm an expert on fords as you will recall from my last post!).

Pictured here for the sake of future posterity we have Mike with his M reg Disco...

***ATTENTION. THIS BLOG POSTING HAS BEEN HIJACKED. THERE FOLLOWS AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE "ANTI EVERYTHING THAT'S FUN" (AEF) GROUP***

One of our members, at great risk to himself stumbled across a dangerous group of countryside vandals, clearly intent on destroying our great heritage by any means necessary. Photos were taken and will be forwarded to the authorities in the hope that they will take action stop these people from damaging our natural countryside any further, especially by their preferred methods which include things like ... conservation and mantenance. If this sort of thing becomes commonplace, us ramblers will have to work twice as hard to maintain the level of litter, damage to farm areas and crops and so on that we have thus far been able to achieve.

Below is an extract from our member's journal...

In fact, in line with advice from the Ramblers Association, I took photos of other members of this renegade group in case they should be involved in other activities... though undoubtedly they would be just as nefarious.

I am not sure who this character is... but she is clearly stealing this small child from its rightful home somewhere in the wilderness and taking it to do something horrible like... a nappy change or even worse. As a respectable member of the AEF, (Anti Everything thats Fun) group it is my duty to make these travesties public.

If you look carefully into the rear of the vehicle, you can see the inevitable tools of this immoral activity... maps, obviously intended to aid a quick getaway, vehicle spares to avoid having to visit a garage where the vehicle may be identified and... worst of all and probably the most incriminating piece of evidence thus far... Sandwiches fruit, cake... some might call this a packed lunch, but here at the AEF we recognise this for what it is: essential supplies for a group who may have to spend extended periods hiding from society, ashamed of their weekend forays into the domain of the woollies.

If the evidence thus far does not pursuade you of our sincerity, take a good look here. We believe that this person... camouflaged in his bright red Mickey Mouse sweatshirt and big hair, is the same person who is now wanted for peeing behind a tree in at least three counties.

We were spotted by other members of the group and were only able to get this one fleeting shot of the principle members of this dangerous gang of individuals running to hide from our cameras. Is it any wonder that these people are being forced away from the countryside when they behave like this?

Our group did give chase, and later, as you can see below, the group were driven to such extreme measures that they even traversed rivers in their futile attemps at evading our cameras.

Clearly these people will stop at nothing to avoid the truth. Seen here is the final attempt of a desperate gang, to destroy the photographic evidence we have gathered by ruthlessly causing a flood over our equipment by driving water straight at it.

All was not lost... a littel later in the day we caught up with them once again. Not in water this time, but escaping via one of the network of routes they have been quietly establsihing for years to be used in just such circumstances.

It has come to my attention that groups like these have a network of routes across the country. Unbelievably these routes are clearly signposted with a single word that alerts members of the same pursuasion that this may be a good route to use because it is completely legal, and motor vehicles are welcome. So underhand have these groups been, that they have even been seen AND photographed clearing lanes and maintaining them in case other people want to enjoy them later. Is there no depth to which these people will not sink?

Of course even days as dark as these... there are glimmers of light. Every now and then a group member becomes a victim of his own pursuasion.

Pictured here after trying to escape our photographer, this driver has clearly reached the end of the lane. Surely now, the countryside will be a safer place.

Now that it seems that legislation limiting countryside access to only to those people we see fit to nominate is imminent; we would like to turn our attention to another scurrolous activity. Indoor Croquet. Surely there is a case for declaring indoor croquet enthusiasts and flower arrangers incompetent, thereby giving power of attourney over their assets toa responsible public minded organisation. Ours.

This blog posting was hacked and hijacked by the "Anti Everything that's Fun" lobby.

Mid Week

You know what,I never thought anyone would read this but it seems that people are doing just that! Either I'm writing well... or you're all drunk!

Anyway, It turns out that I have to move house for a number of reasons. Mostly because this one's been sold without telling us. great stress relief is to cruise the minor lanes viewing the entrances and seeing whether they are actually open and available to us. Jai has sent us the Tomtom waypoints file that show us where they are but there are some that simply do not show up. Highways are not detailed for example. Anyway... I wrote a program that tracks the vehicle and records the lat lon every 10 seconds. Hopefully I'll be able to use this to show which lanes we have travelled and include a screenshot of the map where applicable. The thing is that since we got stuck I am am nervous as soon as I see anything even slightly wet! Don't get me wrong, I am up for an adventure as much as the next guy but there's a difference between having a good time and getting bogged down and having to call friends to rescue you. Anyway, We've found a few lanes that are open, including a highway that isn't marked as such on the map. We'll try this at the weekend and report on it here afterwards. Playing again this weekend... different band though, this time it's jazz classics and some rock n roll. It would be really good to see anyone who fancies turning up at Streatly just north of barton le clay ( home to devils pit).

Lastly a personal message to anyone that reads these posts... if you enjoy them then thanks. If you think they're crap then please moderate you language when commenting... remember they are primarily for my children.
Will write more at the weekend when I am sober.....(ish).

Wet Stuff

To start with there are a couple of things you should really know. Those guys we met last week, well we found a photo of one of their vehicles. In actual fact this landy looks lovely, but in this pic it is stuck: Look!

Now this is exactly the same spot I got stuck in as well!

Anyway... that's not what this post is about. We decided that since we hadn't done any serious Fords... we should at least try. Spyderman in his wisdom, thought that the best one to start with would be Ferneox Pelham (I have no idea whether that is the correct spelling).

Now, this is not really a ford in the strictest sense. Generally a ford represents a way to cross a river. This particular ford is a route along the river bed... dipping deeply in places.

If you imagine a series of deep holes with a small platform between each you get an idea. Here's a pic of our car on one of those "in between" platforms...

It felt a lot deeper I can tell you... and, of course, we're driving a petrol vehicle not a flaming diesel. A diesel would swim through this with the greatest of ease, as amply demonstrated by the land rovers that went before and the one that pulled me out when my engine stopped!

And then just to make things worse we went down again!

Surely this is being done to humiliate our poor shogun. It has to be a conspiracy of landy owners. perhaps the fact that the forum we use is called landroverstryingtohumiliatejapanesecardrivers.co.uk could have been seen as a hint! Actually thats not true, we use landy zone a forum with members in our neck of the woods, (and despite the fact that we have a shogun they have all been pretty cool. So if you have a shogun and you fancy offering a little moral support feel free to drop by!)

I think that this was the killer run. The one where our engine gave out completely and we had to be rescued by other more capable vehicles. A thousand thanks to the man who invented WD40. I do have an idea about fitting condoms to the HT leads and using a femidom on the distributor cap, however I can see a strange conversation looming next time I take the car in for a service. I know for a fact that my favourite mechanic is not gonna want to handle one of my used condoms.

There's always someone willing to show you how it hould have been done. Spyderman creating a bow wave, which is apparently useful if you intend keeping the water out of the engine compartment.

So that was our first experience of fording. We headed back once our car got started... not because we were chicken at all... but I had a gig playing in Dunstable on Saturday night and couldn't risk being late! All in all we had a good day, the car's a little wet inside and is spending the week drying out.

My mate Jim and his wife Jan have a Shogun. It's a little tidier than mine (certainly is now!) but I think they would really benefit from a littel mild laning like this. I did ask if they'd like to join us for a relaxing afternoon drive in the country. In the interests of decency I shall not repepat the answer they gave, but suffice to say that if I were double jointed enough to follow their instructions... I'd die a happy man.

Anyhow I digress:

As it turns out; the man primarily responsible for getting me out of the crap this week, a fella called Jai_Landrover on the forums, also had a wonderful file which found its way to my machine and details the locations of all fords and green lanes in the country. Well, you know what I'm like... you just gotta make sure its accurate so we go take a look.

You know what we found... 1 ford, 1 restricted byway so we couldn't use it anyway... and a really long byway that is not on the system because it is technically a highway!

So... maybe check a few of those out this week.

More later.

The triumphant Return

Well... Someone had to have the idea.... lets go back and look at that lane again... you know the one, its where we spent hours stuck last night.

Saturday morning, we arrive at the top of the downs and find a couple of vehicles waiting for us there. One landie driven by Simon, who we had met briefly the day before, and a strange looking VW 4wd transporter. Looked strange but boy does that thing perform.

So Brett arrived in his defender and we all trotted off to do the starting lane at Tom's Hill. This turned out to be a very short, though mildly interesting uphill trundle that was really only a quick starter. To improve things a little we suggested heading over to Steppingly in Bedfordshire. A longer lane that should be quite clear and pleasant. Thus we trundled on... our little convoy. I had brought a few walkie talkies with me, in case they turned out to be needed. It was a good move, sometimes we could actually hear wahat someone else was saying. Most of the time though, the person doing the speaking could not be sure whether his message had been heard or not. CB Next time!

So we headed up this lane: you can seel below that it was a really great day... good weather two insane dogs running around (Simon's companions for the day!) and even a few kids on occasion. The signs were good... this was going to be a great and relaxing occasion.

Our friends suggested that we go over to Biggleswade/Ashwell direction where a great many lanes remain open all year round. Thus we saddled up and rode on out.

You may be forgiven for thiking that perhaps... under the circumstances, having got stuck the night before, we should have thought this through a little bit. Maybe walked the route first. But no... we go heading off down there. And this is where the fun really kicked off.

This part of the country has a very specific type of earth. It is very sticky, seems to be clay based, and almost gravitates toward any passing metalic object. Once attached it doesn't want to come off... in fact I snapped a few branches trying to remove a clump of mud from the outside of the wheel. Some say this substance is the product of thousands of years of evolution and nature developing the ideal environment for the area. Personally I think it's a bi-product of Satan's arsehole mixed with a liberal helping of superglue.

With all the crap on this tyre... there's no way he's got any traction to pull anyone else out of the muck! It' not easy to make out here, but this mud is protruding about 12 to 16 inched out from the tyre! Luckily the ground seems quite firm....

Wait a minute...

What's going on up there...?

This would be our super hero VW, giving a helping hand to the poor landie stuck in the mud

We tried everything to get the motor to move... I mean I am only a beginner... and the others kept telling me :

"Oh no we've had much nastier stickiness than this, once we even had to airlift the buggers out!"

well maybe a slight exaggeration going on there but you get the idea! It wasn't that it looked bad... it didn't look bad at all... it was just...stuck.

Even trying to move the landie backwards had no effect. Bugger... what next then?

Eventually, of course, the landie came free and thanks to the experience of the others it made headway.

Now its my turn... Brett gives me advice on driving through mud like this.. the others try to find a good route through.

Rose looks and decides wherther she is staying in the car for this part of the trip ot whether some else's car looks more promising! And they said there's no family loyalty left in the world!

Its time...

"Once you're moving just don't stop for anything!", came some really good advice.

Yo know what? I got through.. I really did. No one was more surprised than I was I can tell ya!

We made it through this lane but on route met a bunch of local guys running the other way. We told them what lay ahead and they decided to turn around and go back the way they had come... which was, by all accounts, a lot easier. We decided to hook up with them and do a few local lanes together. This seemed like a good idea, but may not have been - they like to drive quite quickly - unlike our sedate preferred 50 mph. And, it turns out, they had another lane in mind that could turn out to be... interesting.

Rose actually got out of the car and walked with Luke as I tried to get out of this one. I had to be towed out of course... but this was only my second failure of the day!

Of course the day ended well, and the car certainly needed a slight clean when we got home. But this was a successful and fun day with some really good people.

And so we continue our journey... onward and upward toward the tarmac of life... but remember ... getting out of the sh1t once doesn't mean there ain't a whole lot more in front!

More Later

How the mighty Fall!

So, following the day of fun we had last week, we decided to meet up with the same chap and do a few more lanes. This time though we were going to find them ourselves and make sure that they were open and available for us to drive down. Started at Ashridge, covered Berkhamstead (not much there) and then decided to move up toward Biggleswade.

We were actually going to Ashwell, the lanes at Hitchin were closed and we found a couple at Ashwell that merited checking out. By now we had been going a lot of the day and had found a few but not really enough to keep us all going for the day on Saturday. Pulled off the A1 and promptly missed the turning to Ashwell so I drove for a while looking for somewhere convenient to turn around. Out of the blue we spotted a sign "BYWAY". The magic word that we had been hunting for all day... and look, no restriction!

We took one look. It looked OK. Very lush and green but the ground seemed firm enough to take the weight of our trusty shogun and anyway... shogun's don't get stuck right? Yeah right.

There are six of us in the car, Myself, Rose (my wife), Saff (14), Kai (8), Luke (5) and Jas (15 months). Rose takes a look at the track and listens to my reasons for backing out and waiting for the next day when we had a few more cars along.

"Go for it.." she says confidently, "Looks alright, no worse than we've done earlier."

So I go for it.

Now if you've never done one of these lanes you won't realise just how stupid this move could be. The nice firm ground swiftly gives way to softer ground which has been rutted by previous visitors. 18 inch grooves run in the ground and refuse to allow the car to drive out of them, all you can do is go with the flow and hope that you find somewhere to turn around before the mud (which feels a little like super glue) grabs your wheels and holds on tight.

Well grab it it did, and with the light failing rapidly I found I couldn't go further forward. I got out of the car to take a look around and found a bloody great ditch perilously close to the passenger side of the vehicle. OK, so I slipped it into reverse, Extra low 4wd engaged and reversed out of the crap I had landed myself in. 3 point turn executed with perfect precision and strated back the way I had come.

Now its a funny thing because you would think that having driven down the track; going back would not be a problem. Not so. As I approached the stickiest, deepest ruts yet... Rose pointred out that on the way down I had stuck to the drier ground on the right. Too late... the car stopped. That's to say the forward motion stopped but the wheels continued to spin furiously, trying desperately to gain some traction but digging us deper into the mud.

OK. I know what to do, gather some of the brush which lined the track and put it under the wheels, hey presto extra traction. Out of the car we got, Rose and me. Instant glue shoes, my boots gathered another 15 lbs of mud and I sunk right up to my ankles. Rose followed and she did exactly the same.. and then I called on Saff to give us a hand.

Now, if I asked you what you considered the ideal footwear for this sort of outing, you may suggest stout boots (like I wore), good trainers (like Rose wore), but you would hopefully never suggest bare feet with jelly shoes...( like saff wore). They lasted three steps and became a permanent part of the track. In a few hundred years' time, some archaeologist is going to dig them up and try to fathom how the hell they got there.

Anyway, we failed in our attempts miserably. We were stuck fast with no back up plan for getting out.

When all else fails, it's time to swallow your pride and call in the cavalry. In our case that meant Brett, our friend from the previous week.

He was stuck on the M1 but as soon as he got home de came dashing to our aid. Thank god for Sat Nav. At least I could tell him where we were.

So we sat tight for three hours. Brett turns up and has us loose in about 5 minutes flat!

It was great... finalloy we were moving again, making headway toward the exit, the children breathed a sigh of relief, Luke was almost tasting his Macdonalds, even Rose allowed herself a smile of relief. And then it happened again!

Following the landie out of the mire, we got stuck in the same ruts it had just gone through, and getting us out this time was a little tougher!

Fifteem minutes and we were back on the road, covered in mud, but ready to go home!

When I find out how, I'll upload some photos, but for this beginner here this was a wake up call. If it hadn't been for Brett coming to our rescue we'd have been spending the night! (well maybe not quite)

That's about it for now.. except to say... we're going back to the same one tomorrow. Hopefully to find out where I made the mistakes and cruise through without any problem. I'll keep you up to date on the progress.

Cheers

C